Ask a Crossdresser: Does it mean you’re gay? 4


Short answer: No. Although some crossdressers might be gay, the majority aren’t.

It’s an important question. Initially my thoughts on this were “It shouldn’t matter! There’s nothing wrong with being gay!”. While I agree wholeheartedly with the latter, the former is clearly incorrect: it *does* matter a great deal in some cases. If you see a crossdresser in the street and you immediately associate them with being gay, you’re guilty of making false assumptions, but that’s of no real consequence. If you find out after 20 years of marriage that your husband is a crossdresser, and your mind jumps to wondering whether or not he is gay, I think that’s far more excusable because the possibility arises that since he’s been hiding this one part of his life from you for so long, he may have been hiding a great deal more.
(sidenote: My wife is fully aware of my crossdressing, and incredibly supportive. I’d encourage any crossdressers to be 100% open about it when entering into a relationship. Lying to your partner does not a healthy marriage make.)

It seems like a lot of people are under the impression that any even slight deviance from the stereotypical male presentation must mean that someone is gay. For a variety of reasons, men are not given the latitude that women are in terms of self-expression. A woman can wear a pair of jeans without anyone blinking, but a man wearing a skirt is both a novelty and a subject of derision. There are many reasons for this: Jeans/pants are practical – among other things, they have pockets, and are less likely to be caught in machinery if you’re working in a factory (one of the reasons women started wearing pants in the first place). For men who are such inclined, the wearing of a skirt is nothing other than a fashion choice, with no real practical application.

Here’s a rather contrived conversation:
“Why can’t men wear skirts? Women can wear jeans!”
“Yes, but jeans are practical.”
“So why do women wear skirts then, if jeans are so practical?”
“Because we like wearing skirts too!”
“So why can’t a man like wearing a skirt?”
“They must be doing it to attract men! They’re GAY!!”

(I told you it was contrived.)

Is the act of dressing up in female garb a trick to attract men? We can put a similar question to women: “Why do you wear makeup? What about high heels and short skirts?” In general, I believe the answer generally revolves about doing so to feel good about how you look, and certainly not always the be-all and end-all to attracting the red-blooded male. The answer to the question when put to people such as myself is similarly the same: I want to feel good about how I look. Does that make me gay? No, not even slightly.

For more questions, go to Ask a Crossdresser

Don’t forget, you can email me your questions at liz@myweekendshoes.com
xx


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4 thoughts on “Ask a Crossdresser: Does it mean you’re gay?

  • Lori Lackowski

    I do not mind after he finally told me after 10 yrs. of marriage, but the problem I`m having is that he is on the internet and wanting to suck off other men?
    So does that mean he really wants men? He tells me he loves me and I also buy him clothes etc. but I do not understand why everyday he is on the computer to see if anyone answered his post?
    I am so confused???
    Lori

    • MyWeekendShoes Post author

      It’s good that you don’t mind after finding out after so long!
      He may not be gay – but he could be bi – being attracted to both men and women, and having repressed this for so long, and finding out that you’re accepting of his crossdressing, he’s finding an outlet.

      That said, if his looking for other men bothers you, the only thing you can do is talk to him about it.
      If you find it unacceptable, you need to tell him that. Talk to him. Explain why it upsets you. Maybe it’s just fantasy, and he’s not going to follow through. Maybe he wants to. These are all things you should talk to him about.

      I’m sorry that you’re in this position :( Hopefully with some discussion, you’ll be able to better understand what he wants.

  • Kajal

    My boyfriend is a cross dresser. He always like to dress like a Cross dresser and asks me to F**K his ass with some sex toys. He searches for different gay people around the city on Facebook. Am completely confused about him now. Is he a gay?

    • Liz Summers Post author

      From the sounds of the sexual stuff he wants you to do, his crossdressing might be more sexual than related to identity, which is fine. That said, the fact that he is looking around for guys on Facebook is definitely a signal that he might be bi, or gay. If you don’t want him to be looking for sex elsewhere, this is definitely something you should bring up with him, and if he’s unwilling to stop… well that’s a different discussion, too.