I read an article not-too-long ago at The Onion, titled Woman Feels Like She’s Finally Ready To Start Receiving Unsolicited Vulgar Messages Again. (If you’re unaware, The Onion is a solid satire site). This particular article, as with all good satire, is both hilarious and extremely pointed – it hit its subject matter squarely on the nose – or went cleanly through it and continued on a path out of the back of its skull, if we insist on sticking to our ‘pointed’ metaphor.
As a male on the internet, I in no way stand out. No one cares what I look like and I am fine with that. But as a woman on the internet, it’s a completely different ball game. And as a crossdresser, a varied community of people who are fetishised by some, it’s just insane. When I first made a Facebook account for myself as Liz, I thought to myself “I know what I’ll do! I’ll join all the communities and accept all the friend requests and talk to anyone who messages me!”
What a mistake that was. A (criminally small) minority of the people were great – we talked about random things – tv shows, books, maybe we would talk makeup or photography or this blog, and they would offer compliments on my style or outfits or makeup (always greatly appreciated!). But for the most part, the conversations seemed to always move towards them telling me that they were horny and asked if I was up for anything. I have always politely declined. In general, they have been happy to accept that, and then move along to, presumably the next person. I’m appreciative at least for the conversation up to that point, but at the inevitable conclusion, everything always feels hollow as it becomes abundantly clear that they were interested in me only for the short few minutes where they imagined a possibility of me helping them got off.
But hey. At least they asked – because the majority of messages I got were much more direct.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not opposed to penises. They’re great. You can do all kinds of things with them – you can pee on a wall, which is fun, or write your name in the snow. You can even whirl them around like a sideways helicopter, if you know what you’re doing. In no way am I anti-penis. I just don’t want to see yours, or, know about it at all, really.
Jerry Seinfeld does a bit where he talks about how honking at women is a terrible strategy for getting women, but it’s the best idea men have come up with so far. Part of me thinks that the unsolicited dick-pic is the modern-day equivalent version of that – except now I have to bleach my eyes afterwards. I did not expect, at this or any point in my life, to have seen this many erect (and sometimes not, which is even more baffling) wangs on an unsolicited basis. And they are more varied than I would have anticipated – some are larger than mine, some are smaller, some are confusingly, and obviously, photoshopped to be more complimentary to the owner, and some, bizarrely, I am somewhat certain do not even belong to the sender. It is a sad day indeed when, while trying to woo an uninterested party on the internet, your best plan is to just send a picture of someone else’s dick.
[bctt tweet=”It is a sad day indeed when … your best plan is to just send a picture of someone else’s dick.” url=”https://www.myweekendshoes.com/2016/03/male-attention-or-how-to-make-me-not-like-you/”]
Once, someone just sent me the word “sex”. I ignored that one. A few months later, they expanded on their initial attempt with “sex hot”. I ignored that one too. Another person decided it would be a good idea to send me a bunch of pictures of myself, and then round it off with a picture of their proud cock. I’m no genius, but I think the implied message was “Your pictures made my dick hard”. Thanks, I guess. But know that I, too, am the proud owner of a penis – I’m fully aware of how easy it is to get a boner – it’s a low bar. You’re putting me in the same category of experiences as that one time you had to squeeze past a lamp-post and you got a little bit too close. It’s flattering to know that I drive you as wild as street lighting.
It’s not just dickpics though (although I would like to end my dick-segment with the hash-tag #dontsendmedicks) – just the language people use is extremely off-putting. Telling me you want to “slurp” my toes is weird. I’m a guy too, remember – if you want to slurp men’s toes, slurp your own god damn toes. Some of the most infuriating messages I get are from people who for some reason assume I’m dressed up at that very moment. In all likelihood, I’m not dressed up when you message me. I’m probably at work, or I’m just hanging out with my wife, or I’m on the toilet, or I’m watching Netflix. Case in point:
And it’s not just online. In public while I’ve been dressed up, I’ve had a creepy guy follow me off a train, wolf-whistles, or even people I work with who, when seeing me dressed up, gave me the full up-and-down. Eesh.
I’m probably preaching to the choir with all of this, anyway – if you’re reading this, I feel like you’re probably not the kind of uneducated troglodyte who sends pictures of your, or possibly someone else’s, genitalia to people on the internet in the vain hope of ingratiating yourself to them. But just in case, here are a few tips to help you communicate with crossdressers, or anyone, your might find online.
- Be polite.
- Be interested.
- Be genuine.
- No fucking dick pics.
Hello. Just a note to tell you I really enjoy your website. I also crossdress occasionally but am no way passable as you are. Your very pretty if I can say that and not be out of line. Just to be able to go out in public must be an amazing feeling. Thanks for your time and I will continue reading your blogs. Thanks
Thank you so much for this article. Like so many others that have replied to you in the past. I stumbled on your site, began reading and browsing, and couldn’t hardly put my computer down. Not wanting to bore you are anyone with my own history, I will keep it brief by saying that I am a crossdresser as well, have been indulging/fighting this part of me since my early teens. I still have not made it public and like this article have tried multiple times to find some people of like mind on internet forums and chatrooms only to be constantly faced with a barrage of sexual advances and lewd comments. I am 100% not interested in hookups or any kind of online sexual “adventure” if you will. It has been most discouraging.
So this past weekend, I decided one more time to type “crossdresser” into the search and began to mentally steel myself for the chaos that was about to ensue.
Then I found My Weekend Shoes and not to appear overly cheesy, it has been like reading my own thoughts. You have given me renewed hope that I will not have to go to my grave feeling like a freak of nature, but rather someday, be able to freely and comfortably express who I am in public and with people close to me other than my just my wife (she has known for many years and has always been encouraging and supportive).
Your time spent working on this blog and being strong enough to not only push the boundaries, but also discuss them is more beneficial to some of us than you can ever imagine. Please keep up the good work!!
I got cat called the other day and it surprised the hell out of me. I wasn’t dressed provocatively, jeans blouse sandals no cleavage very everyday. I had been to the mall and several other places with no comment or look I think I was passing pretty well. So I’ll assume it was just a dick head. Found it very strange I would expect it with a short skirt or high heels but not the way I was dressed.
I guess it is something women just learn to put up with although it is not something I have ever done in male mode. Wierd
Yeah, pretty weird :/ It really puts into perspective the things that women have to deal with on a daily basis :(
How true I’m a guy too, most of the time, and while I think my dic is pretty special I don’t think ours really want to see it. Especially another CD who has their own to look at. Great column
It makes me upset how sexualized crossdressing is. Presumably, this has to do with the hypersexualization of women and femininity. I’ve shared similar experiences online where as soon as I shared a picture of myself dressed I was barraged by dick pics and sexual messages. Men seem to assume that because of the way I dress I’m attracted to them. This makes trying to find likeminded people hard because when I bring up that I’m a crossdresser most people’s expectations are that I’m looking for something sexual. I’m new to going out in public dressed. I’ve done it once and there weren’t any hiccups. No one really acknowledged me. I was talking to this girl recently who told me that she got catcalled simply wearing a sweatshirt. It’s a big issue for women, and that knowledge combined with my experiences online make me worried to continue going out. But I still plan on it.